Time To Write!

so, it’s probably been months since i’ve even been on tumblr.. time to catch up with my old friend. i changed my major from sonography to nursing and i couldn’t be happier about my career change and school choice. i love ccri and i love being in nursing even though it’s just my gen eds for now. i moved out of my grams into a duplex with corey on valentine’s day and having my own, pretty much house, is amazing! now it’s legitimate. it’s kind of wearing on our relationship right now but i’m sure eventually, we’ll get into the routine of things and everything will work itself out, just like it always does. i really have to just stop worrying. my life has been full of nothing but worrying and it’s time to change that. now that i have my own place, well our own place, i want to find some new friends since i have somewhere for them to visit. somewhere i can be proud to show off. we live in a pretty big neighborhood fullll of families so it’s going to be kind of hard to connect with the neighbors since we’re just a young couple finding our way in the world but, once the nice weather comes i plan on having lots of cookouts! it’s sort of hard though being in a neighborhood with so many other people who have kids because now it’s just always there in my mind but i KNOW that i want to at least wait until i am done with my nursing degree in three years because i don’t want to have to handle a child, school, a boyfriend, a house, and my job with gram all at once. compared to a year ago, my life is so different and i just feel even more mature and grown up. i still have a lot of immaturity to work on but hey, you can’t grow up overnight! 

i’ve been away from here for FARRRR too long! so, corey turned 21 and now his fucking whole world is all about drinking, his new quad, and his so called “friends” that just use him. nothing is about me anymore, at all. i don’t know how much longer i should bother putting an effort in our relationship because it’s not like i’m getting anything out of it. whenever i try to talk to him about maybe smoking a bit less, going out a bit less, the only response i get is “leave”, “w.e.”, or something along those lines. like what the fuckkkk i’m trying to friggin help the kid and he doesn’t want to hear one bit of what i have to say. shouldn’t somebody who supposedly loves me care more than that? i don’t even know why i put up with being belittled, degraded, and treated like i’m worth nothing. i’m getting so close to hanging on by one thin, thin string and you know what?! it’s about to break, any second. we’ve been together for almost 13 months, 13 months too long i guess. i need someone who will actually show that they do appreciate me and give a fuck about me! i’m beyond pissed, BEYOND! -_- .

i just want to be done with school. i don’t enjoy it. i never want to go. i haven’t gone to physics, skipped two lectures and my first lab. school just is not my thing. i just want time away from school to clear my head and figure out what i want before i get started with something that i’m not sure about. i wish i could just have a stable relationship, become a mom, and be a stay at home mom for the rest of my life. that’s all i really want to do.

i’m so gonna end up dropping out of college. i’m just not the type to be in school. and whenever i try to explain that to anyone they always say, “but, you’re so smart” . no, i’m not. i just do my homework, not that hard. i haven’t gone to my physics class since last thursday and i’m not going again, for the third time, today because i don’t feel like driving all the way there. hopefully i can make up some sob story to give to my teacher tomorrow. she seems pretty understanding so hopefully it all works out. i just feel like shit and don’t feel like driving all day. i hate being away from home, not that i hate being away from home but i hate the feeling of not being allowed to go home because of this stupid vaccine. i just miss my room, and lily, and gram, and the cnas. ughhhh! i can’t wait til monday when i can go home for a few hours and see lily and do my laundry. i feel like i have soooo much to talk about but i don’t feel like trying to get my thoughts onto this blog. lol. too early in the morning.. back to bed!

i absolutely love taking time to prepare a dinner and cook it right before corey comes home. i love the feeling of having my own house and family. i cannot wait until i’m older with my career all set up and a long term boyfriend, because i’m never getting married, and children. ah, the future.. i can see you now!